EXTRACTS FROM THE YUMMY MUMMY'S SURVIVAL GUIDE

A MUMMY IS BORN

In the Beginning, a baby is born. In the Beginning, there is a new mother, hopefully a man or some other life-partner, and at least one new baby. This is the beginning of the rest of your lives, the end of your lives as you knew them, and the absolute beginning of your baby's life.

The first few weeks of motherhood are too bewildering to explain, and to go into detail wouldn't make a lot of sense yet.. The Beginning is a period of colossal adjustment on your part, as well as physical endurance and emotional turmoil.

The Beginning is the hardest bit. If anyone ever tells you it just gets harder from now on, then remember this: they are lying.

IT DOES NOT GET ANY HARDER.

So congratulate yourself on doing so well so far, and look forward to the easier bits to come as you learn how to be Mummy and start to realty enjoy it – most of the time..!

BEDTIME MIRACLES AND DISASTERS

Sleep! Ahhh, sleep. Once upon a time, sleeping was something you did just to separate one day from the next, or possibly because you had drunk too much wine and couldn't stay awake any longer. Once you've had a baby, sleep becomes your most valued commodity in the entire world, even outdoing a full-body aromatherapy massage or the chance of some good sex. Really.

Babies are lovely. They are funny and beautiful and fascinating. But after 14 hours of funny, beautiful and fascinating, you may start to find your baby exhausting, annoying, and just far too awake

If, like me, you find you cannot cope any longer because you are so tired, the only answer is to get a good night's sleep, and the only way you can do that is to get your baby to have a good night's sleep. But how? Bedtime can be terribly fraught, because you are exhausted, your baby is exhausted, you have lost your sense of humour, and there is a comfy sofa and a good book waiting in the living room. Under such conditions it is almost impossible to remain patient and calm while gently soothing your stubborn, bright-eyed child off to sleep.

I have also had some horrible evenings trying to get one baby or another off to sleep for what seemed like hours, trying technique after cunning technique, and longing for silence. I've tried controlled crying (which really upset me and it didn't work for any of my kids), gentle singing, leaving a light on, total darkness, with a dummy, without a dummy, getting cross, with a teddy bear, tucked under a blanket, left uncovered, facing the window, facing the wall – you name it, I've tried it.

What follows is a list of fantastically helpful, tried and tested techniques for getting a baby to sleep, which can really work.

Buy the book, and find out how...

BREASTFEEDING - HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

Answer: VERY.

To begin: breastfeeding kicks arse in terms of healthy, practical and effective ways to feed your baby. If you can breastfeed, then no reason you could ever think of is good enough to prevent you from doing so. ‘ Yes, but it's really gross ' and ‘ I really don't want to have droopy breasts afterwards ' are rubbish excuses. What's a droopy breast or two when there's setting your baby up for a healthy life at stake? And anyway, they'll be droopier than they were before you were pregnant whether you breastfeed or not.

Here's why you should try to breastfeed:

• It's the healthiest option: Breast milk contains exactly the right ingredients your new baby needs, and these ingredients change as her requirements change. Magic.
• It shrinks your uterus down quickly after the birth.
• There is no better way of bonding, literally, with your baby. When your baby looks up at you as he drinks from your breast, it is a look of trust, love and need that you can never imagine, and which cements something between you forever. It's also handy to remember this moment when your three-year-old breaks the DVD player or your fifteen-year-old announces she is pregnant. They were perfect once.
• It's quick and easy: No preparation or cleaning required here: it's sterile, warm and ready whenever and wherever your baby needs it.

To Continue: Breastfeeding can be very difficult and distressing. With so much pressure on all mothers to breastfeed, it is very upsetting if breastfeeding is either extremely difficult, or impossible. There are many reasons why you might not be able to breastfeed. These include:

List here, in the book....

Breastfeeding is another of those ‘it's so natural that you should instinctively know how to do it' things that turns out to be very tricky and not instinctive at all. Some babies just can't get the hang of it either, which doesn't help the situation: there you are, breast out, ready to go, and your little sproglet just cranes her neck in the vague direction of your heaving bosom, but fails miserably to get any milk down her throat. The worst thing is that you know the more annoyed and upset you become, the less likely she is to succeed. The only way to master breastfeeding is to stay as calm and relaxed as possible, and not to let your baby know you are screaming with frustration and pain inside. This is unbelievably difficult, but then you are unbelievably amazing, so you will manage. If you really can't get anywhere at all, and you are becoming agitated and upset, then tell your health visitor as soon as you can.

WHO AM I?

SOUND THE HORN! RING THE BELL ! Roll out the red carpet because here we are at last. Ladies, prepare yourselves to alight in considerable style, at what I consider to be the crux of the matter . This is the most fundamental and infuriatingly baffling question, which every mother faces time and time again , and whether you survive motherhood or not depends on your finding an answer to it:

WHO THE FUCK AM I?

Let's try to sort this little dilemma out. On the couch, please, and let's take a look. You probably feel, at various times, like any one or more of the following:

• a wife/partner
• a daughter
• a mother
• a colleague
• a girl
• a friend
• a woman
• a Sex Goddess (if you read it, you might believe it)

You may not feel like all of those things, but even if you can tick four or five of the boxes, that's a whole lot of different sides of your personality to keep an eye on. Not only that, but each one can contain enough sub-personalities to confuse the most highly skilled impressionist.

The addition of a new personality, a new part of you, is always traumatic and confusing, because whatever form the New You takes, it never occurs alone : there are always knock-on effects on all the other ‘you's, and the key, in my most non-expert, non-psychoanalytically trained opinion, is to work out how all the ‘you's can live together. Not how to replace one with another, but how to keep as many of them going as you can, and switch between them.

And that, my gorgeous friend, is what I think is the hardest part of becoming a mother. It's not the nappy changing, the lack of sleep, the peculiar breasts or the responsibility. It's not missing out on hen weekends , having to wear practical clothing or negotiating a pram around Sainsbury's.

Coming to terms with the fact that you – YOU! – are a now a mother , can be very hard, and it takes a long time. It doesn't mean you have to feel like a mother the whole time, but you are, nevertheless, on some level and forever, a mother. Learning how to fit this in with all your other roles and personalities is your key to survival in the first year. Even though you are a long way away from somebody actually calling you Mummy (which is, incidentally, the most fantastic, fantastic feeling), the very idea can be enough to send a lot of new Mums into shock for several months, and this is often a big factor in the postnatal slump.

HOW TO COPE WITH THE NEW YOU

For me, the most successful method of adjusting to Motherhood has been to keep as many of the Old Me parts going as possible , within my new role as a Mummy. As soon as I realised that could be a mummy and still be a friend, a girl, a lover, a colleague and a woman, I felt much happier with the idea. I stopped feeling that I should give up all the things I used to enjoy.The Old Me was still very much alive and kicking, and I had to learn not to neglect her. Quickly.

Here are some things which might help:

List here, in the book.

If you have trouble adjusting to motherhood don't feel guilty and don't worry: you are perfectly normal , and it's vital not to ignore how you are feeling.

Remember that it takes time to adjust to being a Mummy. You may love it some days and hate it other days, but if you can carry on being the Old You as much as possible, you should survive the change a lot better.