FUTUREPINK.COM January 2008

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

Oh hooray, hooray - it's the start of a brand spanking, sparkling, shiny new year! And a new year, as those of us blessed with two X chromosomes all know, means the same things every time it comes around: a new resolve to cut down on all that is Bad for us and focus instead on all that is Good, a new sense of purpose, of determination not to eat too many jammy dodgers before lunch, a new, liberating haircut - Hell, it means a new you!
 
But hang on there just one second. Before you reach for the magic detox drink (which, by the way, doesn't work) and head to the gym again as part of your new, thigh-toning, skin-glowing regime, isn't all this New Me stuff just a little self centred? Surely the start of a new year is also the perfect time to stop and think of the way we treat others, not just ourselves, and in particular the way we treat members of our own family?
 
As an occasionally foul-tempered mother of three myself, I use the first week of every new year to try to come up with some good ideas for not being such a moany, shouty, grizzly old hag, and try instead to be more like those lovely mothers in films, who listen to their kids, take them swimming whenever they like (and actually seem to enjoy it) and bake cakes of a Tuesday afternoon while whistling merrily.
 
So, with this slightly ambitious self-improvement in mind, may I take this opportunity to share with you my new family rules for 2008, confessing right now that I'll probably have broken at least half of them by the time you read this. I'll  keep trying though!
 
Listen. If we spent as much time listening to our kids as we do telling them what to do, the world would be 50,000 times better off. At least. Kids have the most valuable, insightful, intelligent and funny things to say, and sometimes it just takes a wise adult to listen, for some of this magic to make everyone's day better.
 
Learn. We have as much to learn from our kids as we have to teach them. Yes, even the really stupid ones. Open your eyes and ears and learn something from them every day. Yesterday my 7 year old taught me how to sing SpiderPig properly. It's not the most useful thing ever, but it's something she could share. Who knows what today will bring?
 
Be patient. Snap, snap, snap! Hurry up! Come on! What are you doing?! These are all things we all say far too often, when really we could just slow down a weeny little bit, and try to see that this is as helpful as speeding the poor child up. 'Less haste, more speed' is a good motto to live by (unless you're really late for school, in which case 'hurry up' is all you're left with!).
 
Explain. I am always stunned by how infrequently most parents I observe explain anything at all of what's going on to their kids. They rush them here and there, bark orders at them, tell them off, drag them away somewhere else again, tell them to wait, then tell them to hurry up, and the poor wee things are just in the middle of all the chaos and instruction going 'Whaaaaaat is going on?!' Do explain why you are in a bad mood, where you are taking them or why you have to sit in traffic for an hour. (It's probably best not to explain why Daddy has just called Mummy a moody old cow. A simple 'he's in a bad mood and didn't mean it' should suffice there.Liar.)
 
Remember what's really important. I had a classic case of this yesterday. We are renovating a house and are currently homeless, without heating or water or electricity, living out of a suitcase since before Christmas, and with the cost of the project spiralling out of control. Both of us are behind at work, and neither of us has slept properly for a month, and the tension in the freezing house could be cut with a chain saw. Amidst all of this I had a birthday party for my daughter to organise, and I could only see that as a huge distraction from the more important task of ordering floor tiles and measuring up for radiators. It took a good reality to check to realise that all of the house nonsense is just that - nonsense! - when compared with the really important matters of making sure my kids feel happy, and settled and loved. Everything went on hold for the day, I organised a lovely party tea, I took her skating with her friends and she had a wonderful birthday. It's often very hard to see the wood for the trees in busy family life, but stopping every so often to say 'is this really that important right now?' can save your dwindling sanity.
 
A very happy 2008 to you all, and may it bring you good health, much happiness and maybe a bar of chocolate or two..!