FUTUREPINK.COM October 2007

WORK-LIFE BALANCE

If you work, and you also have a family, you will need to find a way to fit both of these into the small amount of time you have on this Earth, and still leave some spare for watching telly.

The word 'balance' is very misleading because it seems to imply that the two parts of your life should be evenly balanced, which is not the case at all. Very few people spend the same amount of time working as they do being at home, seeing friends and so on. Some people work part time, others full time, others full time plus a bit (naughty!), and still others as little as possible. I fall into the latter category because I have rather a lot of 'life' to attend to, in the form of my kids, moving house and wondering why I haven't won the Booker Prize yet. It's such a mystery.

When you have a family your work-life balance becomes a huge issue, because the way you live and work affects everyone else in you household. You can't just work eighteen hours a day and every other weekend and expect to carry on playing Happy Families. Nor can you sit at home twenty-four hours a day for five years playing peek-a-boo if you are yearning to use your brain, talk to somebody over the age of three and earn your own income.

Something's gotta give, and the only solution is to find a balance that works for you all, financially, emotionally and practically.

Here are some points to consider if you are feeling a tad out of balance:

• Are you balanced? Check if you and your partner are both happy with your respective work-life balances. Even if one of you isn't happy, something will have to change if the family is to remain strong.
• Married to the job. Once you have a family, you have to realise that work isn't the most important thing in your life any more - your family is.
• Prioritise. Working out what is most important for you, and for your family, is critical to getting the work-life balance right. It will almost certainly change within the year, but what's your priority as a family now?
• Make some changes. If you decide that your work-life balance is hopelessly out, then ask some questions: Could you cope with a drop in salary if one of you worked a little less? Could he give up the commute two days a week and work from home? Do you really need to work at the weekend? Changes can almost always be made, but you have to make them!
• Communication. If you are unhappy that you don't spend enough time seeing friends or being together as a family, then say so. He might be unaware of how you feel, or he might share these concerns but be reluctant or unsure how to talk about it. This is the first step in solving the problem, so get talking as soon as you can.
• Laying down the law. Many happy families remain this way because there are some very clear (and obeyed!) Family Work-Life Laws in place. These could be: no work in the evenings; no work at the weekend unless it is agreed that that's OK; one night out every week; seeing friends at least twice a month; letting children have a sleepover once a fortnight, and so on. Make up your own rules and see if you can all stick to them.
• Keeping Work OUT. As more and more people are able to work from home, getting away from work has become an increasing problem. Only you two can solve this: shut down, switch off, close your book, put down your paintbrush, or do whatever it takes to STOP WORKING. You must, if you are to have any family life at all.

The reason the term 'work-life balance' has become so overused in recent years is because it's something that almost all of us struggle with every day. It's a symptom of modern times, as we all try to 'have it all' all of the time. As soon as you realise that you can't have it all, but you can have quite a lot of it most of the time, you will start to live a much more fulfilled, satisfied and family-friendly life together.

Yes, you all have to agree to live this way, which can be tricky, but it's what being a family is all about: making compromises and sacrifices for each other.
If only it were that simple..!