OVER-HEALTHY KIDS - UNPUBLISHED

Oh Hell's Bells. For Heaven's sake. I mean, blimey ! What is going on ?

So our children are fat. Many are obese. They are unfit, slobs who would rather munch through three packets of crisps and a chocolate bar while slumped in front of some mind-numbing television than deign to walk half a mile to school. Those who don't become so obese that they can't physically move to the biscuit tin any more will probably become diabetic or die young from heart disease. Scientists, doctors and the Government have realised that something has to be done to reverse this trend, and to tone and trim these salad-dodging layabouts.

Something, yes, but not this ! Not what I see happening in my children's classrooms.

My six-year-old and her peers have become completely health-obsessed over the last six months, due to a "Healthy Living" campaign at school. Dinner-time is now peppered with comments such as,

"Oh no! I haven't had my five portions of fruit and vegetables today - more broccoli please!"

Or, "I'm not sure I should eat this - is it healthy?".

My friend's daughter came out with "I've had an apple, so can I have something bad now?" last week, and my favourite came from the mouth of a skinny seven-year-old who came to play: "If I run around the garden for a while, can I have pudding after dinner please?"

Oh. My. God.

Where's the Middle Ground? Whatever happened to the Happy Medium? Where, oh where, is there any sign of good-old Common Sense?!

The argument seems to be, "Well, if gentle persuasion and sensible advice don't work, let's scare the shit out of them instead". Children from reception class upwards are being made to fear fat, and worship "healthy". Eat "good" foods (here's a pretty poster on your classroom wall) and all will be well. Eat "bad food" (see other, scary poster) and you've had it, mate. Seriously, don't go there.

So just what is "healthy"? Well, much of what is being taught is very sensible: eating five portions of fruit and vegetables every day is very good for you, as is getting plenty of exercise, reducing the amount of fat and salt you consume, and drinking more water and fewer sugary, tooth-dissolving drinks. But the "bad" food and drinks aren't the Mother of all Evils. They aren't totally, unequivocally and under all circumstances B-A-D.

It's all a question of degree , and that's the Common Sense bit. Everything in fine if it's in moderation. Mo-de-ra-tion . Jumping from the deep-fat frying pan into the fire is only going to cause different problems. When my friend's six-year-old daughter pulled at her perfectly normal, child's puppy-fat at ballet last term, and declared she was "too fat to do ballet now", did her mother really think "Oh good, she understands about the need to be healthy and slim"? I think not.

Of course children should learn about healthy ways to live, but let's not over-egg the pudding, so to speak. As parents, we need establish healthy habits in our young children, which they will hopefully have for life. Crisps and chocolates are a fun treat to be enjoyed every so often. A mid-morning snack always involves fruit, as does afternoon tea.

No big deal. These days Orsino would have demanded that "If music be the food of love, make mine a short overture, and skip the repeats please."

One thing's for sure: if we make a big meal out of it food will become a worrying issue for kids as they grow older, and nobody wants that. (Apart from psychoanalysts and therapists, I guess, who will make a fortune out of all this angst one day.).

Food is lovely. Enjoying food is one of Life's Pleasures, and to deny that pleasure to children from the age of five or six verges on sinful. Bon Apetit!